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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?